seven voyages of sinbad
From Sao Paulo to Rio De Janeiro is merely a seven hour bus ride. But to perfect the art of procrastination, I have turned it into a seven week "Longest Journey".
Perhaps I am not Sinbad, but I am sure my seven-week-voyages are just as amazing as his.
Week 1 - I traveled to the time when dinosaurs and flintstone still roam the earth.
What I learn is you don't have to be Van Gogh for people to appreciate your art. You can be Bart Simpson graffiting on an unremarkable piece of rock, wait a million years and people are still willing to walk five hours in a remote district of Argentina to appreciate your work.
That's how much time I spent wandering around a barren mountain, seeking for the elusive masterpiece. After decoding the complicated instruction from a local Andean woman, I finally found the "pinturas rupestres" (rock painting). Really, this is not much better than the bird my five year old niece can draw.
It turned out I wasn't the only one. On my way back, I met several Argentinians from Buenos Aries. Hopelessly lost, they asked me for direction. I'm not sure they notice the irony, the locals asking a foreign tourist for direction?
Week 2 - I fought with monster birds as big as buffaloes.
Alone, I ascended the highest mountain in Iruya (a poky village in northern Argentina). When I was answering the call of nature, I noticed a huge shadow swooping down on me. For a moment, I wasn't sure I should finish my business or to run for cover. Luckily I managed to fight off the monsters without making a mess.
Maybe "fight" is not the correct word. A casual observer will say the birds simply drift around, minding their own business. Mind you, those monster birds are Andean Condors, the biggest flying bird on earth. They are as huge as a buffalo (well... a baby buffalo perhaps), and their faces are as ugly as dirty socks. I was sure if I didn't look as alive as I was, they would have chewed me up like a dead rat.
Week 3 - I lost in an ocean of salt.
Many had sailed the ocean of water and salt, but few had sailed the ocean with salt but no water, not because it is dangerous, but mainly because of the unhygienic hotels around that area.
So our jeep was lost in this ocean of salt. Luckily we met an emu along the way. The wise emu pointed us to the right direction, where we can set up tent to enjoy our lunch.
Week 4 - Journey to hell
I descended to the deepness of hell, the realm of Hades, where 8 million aboriginals met their death.
Potosi, Bolivia. They call it the Mountain That Eats Man. Sometimes, it also eats tourists. Once it was the silver mine of the Imperial Spain. It bankrolled the Spanish shoppers so they could afford to buy luxury goods from China and India (mainly tea and spice, not the cheap electronics).
The working condition in the mine made me greatly appreciate my little cubicle at work. Really, if I stayed there an hour longer, the casualty would have increased to eight million and one.
The mine today is not much better than five hundred years ago. And the safety standard... what safety standard? Tourists are allowed to take photos while holding live dynamites on their hands. Thankfully, no one in my group had lost any limbs.
Week 5 - I befriend a giant man-eater
The rivers of Pantanal could be the most dangerous place on earth -- if you smell like tasty seafood. Since I didn't shower for a few days, I smelt somewhat like seafood (maybe not the tasty kind). That, naturally, attracted lots of nasty predators.
I was chased by a giant caiman who could swallow me whole, and a group of piranas who could torn me to pieces... But I was quick witted, so I fed the piranas to the caiman and left unscathed (and I took a shower later).
Week 6 - I joined some nice folks in the Valley of Dawn to search for UFO.
It wasn't easy. I had to change buses 146 times to reach an unremarkable quirky town Palatania, a suburb of Brasilia (which is quite quirky on its own).
The locals drink Coca Cola, eat watermelons and smoke cigarette, just like the rest of us. The only unusual thing is... they dress like those in Advance Dungeon and Dragons games. There was a huge swimming pool (lake?), and a star shaped platform.
In this photo, they were communicating with an invisible UFO orbiting around the earth. Apparently, the UFO was only invisible to those who was not enlightened. I was sure I could have seen it if my Portuguese was better.
Week 7 - I met a rat woman in the central park of Rio de Janeiro
Many have seen the Cat Woman, but have anyone seen the Rat Woman? She doesn't wear tight outfits but she commands an army of rats. Those rats are as huge as cats.