MASTER OF LIFE

"Your urine looks a little bit yellow."

"Lieutenant Osborn," said Captain Black, " please concentrate on your own business."

Osborn concentrated and forced out the last few drops.

"I just thought," he said sympathetically, "it might improve your health if you have a checkup on the sick-bay."
"Flush!" Black ordered and the computer flushed the toilet bout. He turned towards Osborn, "If I can manage this starship, what make you think that I can't take care of my own urination system?"

"Sir, I am just worried--"

"You should be worried about the diplomats from Centaur Alpha Nebula," Black interrupted. "The inter-galactic war is imminent unless we can convince them to stop their hostile infantry deploy on the 52^nd front line."

"I have already contacted their embassy, sir," Osborn answered obediently. "Now, they are waiting for you on the Command Bridge."

Black seemed to be contented about the reply. "Clean!" he said and the computer cleaned his hand with infra-red laser.

"In that case," he said to Osborn, "we should waste no more time in here."

"But…" Osborn tried to utter out the important message but was interrupted by Black again.

"Open the door!" he commanded the computer.

"Sorry captain," the computer replied. "Command rejected."

"I said," Black was holding his temper, "open the God damn door right now!"

"Sorry captain, command rejected until you finish your business here," the computer replied evenly.

He turned towards Osborn, "What, in the name of the holy Inter-Galactic Federation, is this computer doing?"

"Sir, he just said you haven't finished your business --"

"My business is to talk to the diplomats now and stop the inter-galactic war. If you would excuse me," he pressed the communication button on his left shoulder, "Captain Black to Command Bridge, request for emergency teleport transfer. Location: sector 71 area B12 toilet compartment."

"Transporter beam initiated," said the button. "Waiting for transfer command."

"Wait, sir!" Osborn tired to stop him.

"Now," the captain said sharply.

"The reason --"

Osborn felt their bodies were gradually disintegrated by the transporter beam.

"--that the computer--"

Their bodies passed through the sub-ether dimension.

"--didn't open the door--"

Their forms consolidated into shapes on the bridge.

"--was because--"

The diplomats and the 86 representatives from the inter-galactic federation were waiting on the bridge.

"--you forgot to zip up your fliers."

Everyone tried their best to hold their laugh.